Finding Direction And Flow: A Guide For Women
Have you ever had those moments in life when you felt on point?
You knew exactly who you were, what you were wanting to do and getting on with it…
When I was a teen, it was music, I could get lost for hours composing and writing songs, listening to my favourite Van Halen tracks or shaking my booty to a dance tune. It was also gymnastics. The power, the feeling of flying through the air in all directions and then landing with a thump, hopefully on my feet, was truly exhilarating to me.
As I got older and had to start thinking about career, finances and what would fund my life, career aspirations in these fields were not considered viable options, so I did whatever would pay the bills – like it or not. I slowly developed the …ick. The …ick came from making choices that weren’t great for me and made and without the proper guidance. The net result my choices were often bad ones.
This is the story of many of my Gen X peers. Is it a version of yours too?The …ick is that feeling of nothingness, no direction, going through the motions and hoping to live to fight another day and pay another bill. That spark of exhilaration and purpose all but blown away by the business of getting on with adulting.
Often it turns out to look a bit like depression or anxiety, looking for distractions, addiction, general malaise about your job and life, or even physical illness. Burnout or feeling life a complete fraud is also on the list. Hello Imposter Syndrome!
I have been there and seen so many of my clients are in this place when they turn up to see me as a last resort for help. And the truth is career counselling can play a huge role in overcoming this and it comes down to this idea of ‘flow’. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the godfather of ‘flow’, describes that state I mentioned earlier of being fully engaged, focused and in the zone. It’s exhilarating and captures our attention; and for each of us the thing that gets us there is different.
‘Flow’ is the concept I harness when first working with clients, because honestly writing a new resume is pointless, getting a new job is pointless or setting a new ‘smart’ goal is pointless when you are rudderless and without direction. This directionless space is known as ‘psychic entropy’, it is a default state we humans have and is the state that cuts us adrift from purpose; instead, it has us ruminating over the lifetime of choices we have made, to work out where it all went wrong. It renders us motionless, unproductive and lost. And it is an awful place to be. And an unhealthy one.
So how the heck do you turn this around?
Firstly, my advice is to stop worrying about how or why things went bad. If you insist on needing to know the answers to these things you will stay stuck forever looking for them, like in ‘Frozen’ it’s best to let it go. (Caveat: avoid red wine or other substances that numb and dumb you, that won’t help either.)
Instead focus your energy on connecting with your interests, things that light you up and start to build on this. Often in ‘play’ we see the next steps, and this applies to your career as well as any other area of your life. And know you don’t need to see whole picture to start. Just take one step that feels right.
In terms of your career here’s 3 ideas for you to start working with:
Connect with ideas you shelved because they were hard/scary/dumb/make you the subject of judgement from others/seemed impossible. Explore them. Are they still interesting?
Consider getting some work experience in your area of interest or shadowing experts. Get your hands dirty for a bit. Are you still interested?
Use your networks to investigate and make deeper connections. People are often only too happy to help, especially if your passion is theirs too.
And if you’re lucky, you won’t need that new resume anyway!For very few people this is as easy as it sounds, no matter how perfect their life looks from the outside, so don’t feel bad if this takes a while or you need to reach out for help. Perfection is not the goal here!
What I can attest to, is the idea that happiness and purpose can be achieved by reverse engineering your life through the lens of seeking and moving in a desired direction rather than concrete goals, what’s possible and ‘what do I love’; even when you are facing tough challenges or barriers.
And remember, you’re worth it…you have as much right to anyone to be happy and fulfilled.
And the best part, this cycle is like an updraft that carries you places, opens the doors to new adventures and opportunities, and becomes a self-fulfilling and perpetuating cycle.
The Invitation
Consider how you can integrate time for the things you love into your daily life.
Is it a new direction in your current job or role, a new industry or completely new skills set?
Is it a hobby or side hustle idea, or the beginnings of a portfolio career?
Happiness comes from having a sense of connection, and meaning in our life. And that is something we should strive for each day.
Maybe it is simply putting down the things that no longer serve you and freeing up time and headspace for you.
Enjoy!