We Don’t Need Another Hero - Just One Herione

Gen X Women are trailblazers in their own right, no doubt.  We’re the first to really engage with the paid workforce and have this illustrious thing called a career.

It has afforded us so much: meaningful work, purpose, the ability to do things aside from parenting and homemaking and having our own ability to earn and access money.

And it’s been more hard work than we might have ever imagined it could be! The previous workload role modelled by our mothers and grandmothers haven’t really been taken away.  And while it is easier to do the washing in a machine than by using a washboard and a copper full of hot water, we still either do all the unpaid things or at least have to manage someone else to do them, and if not a partner, we have to pay for them too. And let’s not talk about babies, lady parts and all the other things!

Where did it all go wrong for us?  Life was meant to be better, easier, more financially secure.  But many Gen X women are hitting midlife burnt out and broken, and while some might have managed to tuck away some savings most don’t have the superannuation of our male peers or the wealth.  Just half the debt.

Here is where I think it has gone wrong, at least in part.  We have no Heroine.

Think about it, what women did you look up to growing up? 

Did you have a role model that represented life as we now know it?

Most of our role models were not rocking a power suit and red lippy into their 30s, and the wide leg pants and flats into the office in their 40s or 50s.  Often, they were at the salon getting their greys run over with the magic silver violet or at home with the grandkids and looking after the housework or meal prep.

I recall in my teens and early 20’s friends would talk about their mother being stuck in marriages they don’t want either because of abuse, affairs or simply loss of connection.  I remember tales of their mum not having a job or the money to leave, and nowhere to go. 

And I am not going to lie; I grew up with a mum who had dinner on the table at 6, and a father who was a good provider financially for the family. There is a lot to be said for kids growing up with a parent in the house and that kind of stability, but was it equitable for our mothers’ generation? No.

I remember in the late 1980s and early 1990s the rise of the navy pinstripe pantsuit for women, the big shoulder pads to help us look more manly, the playing hard and fast with the men after work drinking at the bar because that’s where deals got done.  As women we modelled ourselves on what the men did and made them our heroes in the career space. Which is all well and good until we bump up against the things in life men don’t have to deal with.  Double hatting as homemaker and full time employee, pregnancy, monthly cycles and menopause.

Enter midlife and the ensuing meltdown.

Firstly, I want to validate the struggle for you.  Because you have probably learned to keep pushing through, to not complain in case you were perceived as ungrateful, to shortchange yourself on time or care, and to just stir a good old spoon of concrete in your morning coffee and HTFU.  It’s not you. 

It is the system, the career models and society letting you down.

You were not born to be a machine.

Secondly, now knowing this, I’d like to ask what do you think you can do differently, let go of, or approach differently to support your personal needs right now?  Here is what I do know.  You’re probably trying to fit yourself, career, and personal needs in around the edges of life and probably don’t have a lot in the tank to tackle this.  The way I tackle this myself and support clients with is picking the low hanging fruit first and making changes to the easier stuff. By moving the needle just 2 degrees it has a compounding effect over time and creates the space to work on the bigger or harder problems to solve.

The invitation:

What one small thing can you change, outsource, say no to, or re-engineer in your life right now with relative ease?

Think about a woman you admire, that you aspire to or represents what you hoped your midlife career would be. What does she embody that you can learn from to make your own life better?