Capacity vs Capability: The Hidden Career Trap for Midlife Women
You’re capable. No question.
But are you at capacity?
For most midlife women I know both personally and professionally, the problem isn’t capability: it’s the relentless pressure to keep stretching our capacity and bending ourselves to make life happen for ourselves and loved ones even when we’re looking like a pretzel and can bend no more.
When we operate beyond our capacity to hold energy for all the things:
We sacrifice our health, relationships, and joy.
We say “yes” when our bodies are screaming “not right now.”
We make the mistake of thinking our worth is based on our busyness.
This is incredibly important to consider as we progress through midlife. There will be things in life that impact on our capacity to function at the same peak level as our 20’s. Some are the external factors that can be fairly obvious like having a family to look after, having parents that are ageing and in need of support or issues in the workplace. But then there are the internal factors that are often unseen until it’s too late and we are burning out. I am sure every woman with a cycle knows certain times of the month are not the times to commit to certain things because hormones impact us. Once we hit mid 30s and beyond there is that monthly hit and the inevitable perimenopausal symptoms that smoulder beneath the surface. Declining estrogen means less dopamine – hello crazy nervous system and mood, aching joints and muscles, and far less ability to cope with that extra wine on a Friday night. At first you might think it is nothing until a few years in when you are awake at 2am, every single day and want to cry, scream and yell at anyone who looks at you sideways. And all that energy you once had to give your work, your family and friends, is suddenly gone. Capacity interruptus maximus!
Careers and marriages take big hits during this phase of life. I recently heard from a GP that she calls the window of 40-55 sniper alley for women, because often health issues crop up with no apparent warning as well.
Be assured, the problem is not you, it is your shifting capacity that you probably didn’t get warned about before now.
One simple strategy to help identify where our time and energy is going is this reflective exercise:
Write down everything you’re currently responsible for - work and life. Grab your diary and look at time things but also think about emotional and mental load items.
Circle what truly matters to you because it is important, or you simply love doing it
Cross out what could be paused, delegated, or reimagined. List who you might delegate to, and start that conversation with them.
At some point you will start to see there is ‘opportunity cost’ applied to everything in your life and often I believe careers take the hit because it is the easiest thing to move the needle on. Quitting your job for most women seems a better or easier option than quitting your family or home obligations. And I get it, but it’s not that simple. Career for many women gives purpose and meaning not found in the piles of laundry and chores; and it individuates you from your partner. All very important things. As is the income it can provide.
Career sustainability isn’t about doing more - it’s about honouring your real limits and building from there.The Invitation
Try the reflective exercise in this post and really focus on who you can delegate what to and consider what things others leave for you that takes up time and emotional energy. How can you offload this stuff?
Ask yourself: How can I put myself first today? What is one thing I can change right now?