Mid-Life Grief: Why ‘Letting Go’ Isn’t as Simple as It Sounds
And how women can honour loss without bypassing it
In this article you will learn:
Why grief is a central - but rarely named - part of mid-life for women
Why ‘letting go’ often feels impossible or harmful
The kinds of losses women grieve in this life stage
Why unacknowledged grief shows up later as burnout or disconnection
How to move through grief with compassion, not pressure
Introduction: The Problem With ‘Just Let It Go’
If you’ve spent any time in personal development spaces, you’ve probably heard the phrase ‘just let it go’ more times than you care to remember.
It sounds simple.
It sounds wise.
And it’s often completely unhelpful.
Most women sense there’s truth in it -but no one explains how to do it, when it’s appropriate, or what exactly is being let go of.
In mid-life, grief is not something to release quickly - it is something that needs to be honoured.
This article is about grief in mid-life, and why acknowledging it matters far more than trying to transcend it.
Why Grief Is Central to Mid-Life for Women
Mid-life is not one transition - it’s many, often arriving at once.
Women in this stage may be grieving:
a career that didn’t unfold as expected
a marriage or long-term relationship
the loss of fertility or bodily certainty
children leaving home
identity itself
health, energy, or capacity
a future they once assumed was guaranteed
For many women, these changes arrive quickly and without warning.
Mid-life grief is often disorienting because it is layered, cumulative, and rarely acknowledged.
And yet, suicide risk and mental health vulnerability peak for women in their 40s - a fact that should make us pause before telling women to ‘just move on.’
Why Grief Needs Attention - Not Avoidance
There are three core reasons grief must be acknowledged in mid-life.
1. Because unprocessed grief repeats itself
When grief is ignored or minimised, it doesn’t disappear.
It shows up later as:
repeated patterns
numbness
disconnection
the feeling that something is ‘off’ but unnamed
Grief that isn’t acknowledged has a way of resurfacing - often louder than before.
2. Because the body keeps score
Grief is not just emotional - it’s physiological.
When loss isn’t expressed, women often carry it in their bodies, increasing the risk of:
chronic stress
illness
burnout
emotional collapse
Unfelt grief does not vanish - it embeds itself.
3. Because grief needs closure before change
Without honouring loss, women often carry pain forward into new decisions, relationships, or careers.
This can distort choice and limit possibility.
Grief acknowledged creates space. Grief denied creates constraint.
Why ‘Letting Go’ Is a Misleading Concept
Letting go is often framed as something graceful, clean, and uplifting.
In reality, grief is:
messy
painful
unpredictable
exhausting
It doesn’t arrive on schedule, and it doesn’t resolve neatly.
Many women lose their sense of self in mid-life -and that loss is not symbolic. It is real, destabilising, and deeply painful.
Mid-life grief is not weakness - it is a rational response to profound change.
When Women Get Stuck in Grief
I often see women stuck not because they are unwilling to move forward, but because they were never given permission to stop, to process or to let go in healthy ways.
‘Let it go’ is offered as if it contains instructions.
It doesn’t.
What women often need instead is:
validation
time
support
language for what has been lost
Professional support can help in ways friends and family sometimes cannot - not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know how to hold this complexity.
Three Grounded Ways to Work With Mid-Life Grief
Not to fix it - but to move with it.
1. Take the loss seriously
Do not downplay your grief because:
others think you look ‘fine’
the loss seems invisible or ambiguous
you can’t yet explain it
Many women experience disenfranchised grief - grief that is real but not socially recognised.
If it matters to you, it matters.
Sit with your feelings, even when they don’t make sense yet.
They are information.
2. Let yourself feel what you feel
Grief is not linear.
Some days you may feel steady.
Other days a smell, sound, or sentence opens the floodgates.
Let it happen.
Crying will not swallow you whole.
Feelings exhaust themselves when they are allowed expression.
Creative outlets can help move grief through the body:
art
music
writing
movement
This is not about productivity.
It’s about release.
3. Gently allow the future back in
When the sharpest edges soften, many women begin to wonder:
What now?
There is no rush to answer that.
Looking ahead does not erase what was lost.
It simply acknowledges that life continues.
Imagining a future - even tentatively - is not betrayal.
It is part of healing.
The Invitation
Mid-life is different for every woman.
For some, the transition into this third season is gentle.
For others, it is brutal.
Your experience is real, valid, and worthy of care.
You are allowed to:
be seen
feel messy
grieve what others don’t understand
Some people will never fully grasp your sense of loss.
That doesn’t make them unkind - only limited by their own experience.
The invitation is this:
honour yourself first
choose relationships that allow truth
move forward with compassion, not urgency
You are not alone - even when it feels that way.
If you need support navigating grief, identity, or change in mid-life, working with a qualified career and life practitioner can help you make sense of what’s unfolding. You can book a Soul Strategy Call to talk options when you’re ready.