Re-Inventing Yourself In The Messy Midlife

By the time we reach midlife most of us have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly in life.  Maybe you have endured hardships and battles that are so deeply embedded in the psyche you fear you will never be able to outrun them or at least forget the hurt and pain they caused you. 

And in walks midlife and it says, ‘hey lady, hold my beer’.

The experience that shaped who you are, the strategies for coping and doing life often don’t serve women well in midlife. 

This is because one of the big challenges can be the loss of agency, or control we feel. 

I’m talking about perimenopause, that thing the glossy brochure about menopause forgot to mention. It can start as young as 35. 

I’m talking about the late diagnosis and recognition of neurodivergence and the ‘lost generation of women’

I’m talking about the empty nest, and the loneliness and loss of purpose in our kid’s life.

I’m talking about marriage breakdowns, because when some things change everything can change.

I’m talking about the changes to our careers because we cannot juggle all the things anymore and still turn up to work the way we used to or might like to.  Burnout is real!

I’m talking about the anxiety and grief all this loss can bring.

I’m talking about the woman who got lost along the way.

It’s like entering a parallel universe where everything and nothing is the same.

This time of life can be distressing and you might feel a sense of complete unravelling, and it’s hard to imagine you have any control over anything anymore since you can barely control yourself.  For a woman who has rocked her career, juggled more balls than a seasoned circus performer and raised kids it is can be incredibly difficult to sit with this shift.  I would love to remind you that:

• You have control over how you respond

• You have control over what steps you can take around self-care and integration

• You have control over what and who you allow into your inner sanctum

As women, we are often conditioned to hand our power and energy to family and friends, our workplace colleagues or our partners. We tell ourselves we are powerless to change things because we cannot possibly upset someone, we can’t say no, we cannot explain the sheer fuckery of the symptoms we have or the sense of insanity that we fear might get us locked up.  And we wonder…

What gave them the right to be more important?

Let me answer that for you.  You did.

The good news is this. 

Estrogen is the care hormone and when you have none left, you may be less inclined to care.  It can be incredibly liberating to step away from the level of caring we once did.

The opportunity in this is ripe for the picking…

Imagine if you could decide how you interacted with life and the people in yours mindfully and consciously, with your needs first on the list?

Imagine if you were able to support yourself through perimenopause differently, in a way where you could embrace the changing season, what might you do differently?

Imagine if you found a sense of purpose again, one more powerful and meaningful that you have previously known?

It is possible.

The starting point is our connection to self, that lost women.

The Invitation…

Consider these questions as gently as you would your child or best friend…

Who is she, the woman you are were and want to be again? 

What does she value, what matters to her right now?

What enduring qualities does she embody?

What is her vision for this new season of life?

And finally, what first step can she take to regain a sense of agency and control over her destiny?

These are big questions and are worthy of time and space for consideration.

In my years working with women I’ve heard women’s stories, the narratives of old, the falling away, the re-imagination, the newness, and resolution. The process of re-writing the future version of themselves and careers. 

It’s powerful.  It’s yours.  Take it.